I was reading an article by Friedner and colleagues about multiple normals. The article started with a story about a family who has a 12-year old boy in India with a cochlear implant. It talked about the family giving up everything they owned so that they could give their son the best. The family was not wealthy but with the help of family and friends, they were able to raise money so that the boy could get a cochlear implant. The family truly believed that once their son had a cochlear implant, that he would be “normal”.
This resonated with me because I was once in their shoes. We sold our house so that we could give my son the cochlear implant that would make him “normal”. That was more than 20 years ago! More than two decades ago when cochlear implant was so new. Internet was not available so information about cochlear implants were from doctors who were also trying to learn about this new technology. There was also a family who talked about their son’s success with cochlear implant. It sounded like the miracle that we so desperately wanted. But like the parents in the story about the 12-year old boy, we only heard the word “normal”.
Before my son’s cochlear implant, somebody explained to us about rehabilitation. Rehabilitation involved auditory-verbal therapy (AVT) and after that, your child will be like “normal”. Being normal was like an addiction! You want it so badly that you will do anything to get it. I am guessing that some professionals explained that rehabilitation will take some time, will take a lot of effort and much more. I am sure someone explained it to me, but when you have a 4-year old boy who couldn’t hear a thing, an active 3-year old boy and another one on the way and living in a country where you knew no one except the therapist, it was information that I probably did not process at that time. In my mind, cochlear implant will make my son’s hearing “normal”.
But “normal” was far, very far from being “normal” even with rehabilitation. I know now that my son learned differently. AVT did not work for him. Like the 12-year old boy, the article said that the family was unable to continue to pay for therapies, he probably learned differently like my son and now, he uses gestures that only his family could understand. Fortunately for my son, I had people to direct me to other pathways — but that took me three years to realize before I changed direction. My son can talk, he is literate, he can drive, he works at a supermarket but he has to work at being able to be understood. He still has to work hard to be able to try to be part of a conversation. Everyday he has to make an extra effort to communicate BUT he is happy. This is his “normal”! Listening to him talk loud and sometimes I have to ask him to slow down so I can understand him, this is the “normal”.
This is what the article was trying to point out, that “normal” for one person is not the same “normal” for another person. It took me a long time to understand this too! That “normal” might be something that most people do, but “normal” can be something that one person does or a few people do. So why is it that we all want us to fit in the same “normal”? I must admit I was guilty of trying to fit my son into the “normal”. My son is happy, able to do things for himself and I think that is all that matters.
I wish that having multiple normals should be the “normal”. It might not change the world but it might change the world for one person.
If interested, here is the article I read:
